Must Kill Jiraiya!
by mksanime
Summary: Taking a peek inside of icha icha paradise and what do you see Gasp…. da dum dum dum….. NejiSaku, one sided SasuSaku
1. Must kill Jiraiya

**Mksanime: **awww shucks im a lil down, no ones reading my Mksanime drabbles, lol! It stupid anyways…anywho If you still wanna read it go ahead, cause I'm gonna delete it on 4 to 5 days from now…

**Summary:** Taking a peek inside of icha icha paradise and what do you see **Gasp…. **da dum dum dum…..

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto and Im not bashing Jiraiya ok? Don't get me wrong His one of my favourite characters in Naruto… totally funny!

**Must kill Jiraiya!**

"Grrr… I can't believe Neji-kun reads that stupid book. Everytime I turn around, he activates his byakugan and looks at that damn book, just because I turn around doesn't mean I can't really see what he was up too!" She growled as she stomped her way towards we're her sensei is…

' I have to figure out why everyone so hung up on reading that damn book! Every guy in this entire village! Shikamaru, Chouji, lee, Neji, Naruto, Kiba, Shino and even Sasuke, for pete's Sake!'

Her sensei looked up in confusion towards Sakura, hey even though he only shows his one eye, it was clearly noticeable just by cocking his eyebrow.. its that confusion or amusement or is it in the category other?

She stopped in front of him, as she quickly grabbed the damn orange book and looked at it…

"So that's why Tsunade-shishou hated that stuff, stupid perverted hermit. But still that doesn't give a reason why every guy is hung up on this book. There not into old ladies are they?" She then flipped the page…

"How dare he, he…. Ahahahaha I cant believe it ahaha he took a picture of shishou. wait until she sees this ahahha" she laughed out loud, as she clutched her stomach

Kakashi only stared at his ex student in amusement… hey who was he to complain? Finally his student has come to her senses and is finally reading a mature book? It wasn't illegal she was already 21.

She then turn the next page and found herself only in a towel, just coming out of the washroom…

What the hell?

She then turn the next page, Ino-pig? Tenten? Hinata? Anko? Kurenai-sensei? **Gai?**

_**What the freak?**_

Err… okay… moving along … slowly don't barf its okay, no barfing errr….

She choked back her barf and swallowed it…yak!

Then theirs one of her getting dress! What the-? **Censored Censored beeeppp**

She crumpled the book and squashed it, while Kakashi looked in horror as his beloved book was smashed into pieces….

"Bless the soul, ye shall rest in piece.. You we're the best thing in my life" he murmured as he silently prayed and mourn for his dear book.

He then took his book and went somewhere to look for a spot, where he can burry his book.

Meanwhile…

"PERVERTED HERMIT!" She Snarled, Growled, howled and other stuff when someone's totally pissed off…..

She then felt someone groped her ass **_bad move buddy bad move…..grrrrr_**

"Hey baby, you wanna have a good time"

**Smack, punch, kick, bump, bang, etc…. **And he flew like a bird ….bye bye

She then trip on a book, that guy must have dropped it. She then bent over and picked it up and what does she see? Da da da dummm….Icha Icha paradise….

Temperature over lode, over lode

**CCCCEEENNNNNSSSSSSSOOOORRREEEDDDD…**

**CCCEEEENNNSSSSOOORRRREEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD….**

**CCCCCEEEENNNNSSSSOOOORRRREEEEDDDD….**

And the cow jump over the moon……………

She then met up with rest of the girl who we're at Ichiraku eating.. She then showed them the pictures and now a rampaging girls lead by the beautiful Hokage stomped there way across town and towards the company where Jiraiya publishes it..

Every body in town hid and run away, as a bunch of rampaging stomping girls pass by, as a murderous aura hung in the air….

Uh-oh…………….. And the little dog barfs...

"Akamaru get out of there!" Kiba yelled as he jumped and took his dog in slow motion away from a very pissedddddd off girls…. Too late he was trampled, and step on…. Wow that's a new image? A flat kiba?

Back to the murderous girls…

"JIRAIYA!"

(Scene change)

He sneeze a couple of time "hmm someone's talking about me, hehe probably those girls saying how sexy and good looking I am"

Earthquake, the ground was shaking and rumbling…

He then looked to his side "hmmm aww probably a mob of girls heading towards the hot springs" he said with glee and sparkles in his eyes as he hopped happily towards the hot springs.

Duh dum dum dum

_To be continued………._

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Well that was stupid . …. Anywho too much chocolate again.. sigh I wrote this 5:00 this morning.. …

Please read and review


	2. Come out whoever you are

**Mksanime:** Ok.. truthfully im so confused on what to write . so dis isthe rewritten version of chapt 2.. idk if this is better or worse but im stickin with and note characters are very OOC I think .

**A/N:** First of all Thank you for you reviews. And this is dedicated for you Shanghai honey, as promise. Sorry I know I said Monday but my Interent didn't come back until today and had to use other comp at school…

I'm so happy you guys find my stories funny, even though I wrote that because I was so in sugar high at 5 in the morning

**Summary**: Taking a peek inside of Icha Icha Paradise and what do you see… da dum dum dum

**Disclaimer:** I own Nothing!

_**Must Kill Jiraiya**_

OoOoOooOOooOooOOoOoOooOOoooOOoOoOoOooOOOooOOoooOooOOoOOOoO

"JIRAIYA!"

(Scene change)

He sneeze a couple of time "hmm someone's talking about me, hehe probably those girls saying how sexy and good looking I am"

Earthquake, the ground was shaking and rumbling…

He then looked to his side "hmmm aww probably a mob of girls heading towards the hot springs" he said with glee and sparkles in his eyes as he hopped happily towards the hot springs.

Duh dum dum dum

OoOoOooOoOoOoOOoOOoOOoooOooOOoOOooOooOOo

"Tsunade-shishou we've searched four hours, can't we find him tomorrow" Sakura complained as the rest of the girls nod in agreement

Tsunade scanned all of heaving girls, trying to catch their breaths "Fine, you all stink anyways. Meet me tomorrow at noon" she waved them off goodbye as she went back to the tower.

They all sweat drop, as they sniffed themselves…

**ewww...**

They all quickly scrampled and went back to their homes to take a bath.

oOoooOOoooOOoooOooO

"I am so Sexy… S.. e..xy!

So so very sexy and handsome! They all want me ooaaahh Sooo Sexyyyy!

Sexxyyy, yess C'mon baby wooohhh sexy Jiraiya.. Oh yes Sexxxy MEEE!" Jiraiya happily sang as he slowly crept into the back and look through the hole on the hot springs.

He grinned as he made himself comfortable and leaned closer only to find..

"**GAI!** What the hell!" he jumped back as he stared horrified

He then broke the wooden wall "Gai what are you doing here!" he demanded an answer.

"Why my friend, to stay youthful of course. We need our bath to look young and smell good" Gai did his nice guy pose.

"You're in the girls section!"

"My once so youthful friend and not anymore, they made another hot springs at the other side of the town only for girls, no guys allowed in the area. This is all guys hot spring now! Would you like to join me and smell and look youthful" **(1)** He smiled with his teeth showing, doing another nice guy pose.

Jiraiya fell down to his knees, sobbing hysterically. "NOOOOO" he cried

OoOoOoOOOOoOOoO

Sakura looked back and forth looking for something suspicious that was probably creeping inside her room, like a peeping Jiraiya or fan guys, she shivered from that thought. Pulling the towel that was wrap around her body tighter, she looked outside the window, inside the trashcan and her closet…

She whistled, "Come out peeping tom.ttut tuutt..psss psss I wont hurt you.. much…Here boy here.. I have a cookie!"

Kneeling down, looking under her bed, her towel went up towards her ass, making it more visible than it already is, well if anyone was there anyways. And just right on time, Neji came barging in the door and saw Sakura's ass on his view making him drop his book and with a tint of pink on his cheeks.

Sakura suddenly sprang out in surprise and fell down face first. The first thing she saw was what? And Open Icha Icha paradise volume 5 and the latest picture is where Sakura was shaving her legs... And trust me it was very unsightly thing to see…

Sakura stared and Stared at her unshaven legs, her body only in a towel and with white stuff around her face.

She looked up and Neji gulped…

"It's not what you think," Neji reasoned out...

She looked down again, " so what should I think", she hissed.

"Well first answer me, since when did you post as a model for Icha Icha paradise!" he demanded.

"I didn't and why are you so shock about it! You use your damn eye power to read the last issue with me in it! I saw you and don't deny it!" She accused,

"Woman, don't you compare to me with does perverted fools"

"So why do you have this book huh? Huh?" She waved the book in front of his face.

"It so happens that…" he fell silent for a minute then he grabs the book out of her hands.

"I don't want a picture of my woman half naked to be seen with anybody except me" he snarled.

She fell silent and looks up all teary eyed "So you do care for me" she sniffed…

Reaching out towards him, she cupped his face and brought it near his. Her lips brushing the shell of his ear "Quit Changing the subject DAMNIT!" She yelled

"Now tell me why there's a picture of me in that damn book?"

"That's what I want to know" He quickly grabbed Sakura and Hugged her. His narrowed eyes glared everywhere around her room, looking for something suspicious.

He whistled "Psss pss, come out pervert so I can kill you or if you wont I'll still kill you" He growled.

OoOoOooOOooOOooOOoooOOoOo

**_Meanwhile at the Cemetery_**

"Ohhh whoa with me.. My beloved book **sniff **I.. I" Kakashi sobbed as he kneeled down, cradling his dear squashed into pieces book.

"I'll always remember the time we spent together" he slowly sang in a deep sad voice..

"Never apart, even through the darkest and wonderful times.. oohh **sniff**" He sent down his book on the little small coffin and placed a white flower above it, he then slowly lowered it down and covered it up with dirt. He grabbed the tombstone that said

'To my beloved book. Bought on April 3, 2006 died on April 6 2006.. It shall be forever miss and love'

He then prayed

His voice slowly floated through the air, whispering

"I'll miss you"

oOooOooOOoOOoOOOooOOooOOOo

Hey Sasuke! Did you see the latest volume of Icha Icha paradise 6? It has Sakura-chan Frenching with Jiraiya!" Naruto yelled waving the book back and forth.

to be continued…"

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**Mksanime:** **(1) **ewww not that way u sick perverts . lol!

**A/N** This chappie is not that funny.. iunno I think… I don't know if you guys find this funny.. idk anymore I'm loosing it, since I havent written for quite a while now…

**A/ babble** Ahhh I'm loosing my mind too, its because of that damn Vice principal! Uughh I'm so pissed at her! May she get demoted and kick out! Can anyone say rude much! Well you probably don't wanna hear it but oh well I'll tell you anyways…

Ok So me and my friends are in one group for our English teleplay project, where we video tape it and make a trailer, and one of our scenes is that two girls mistaken the girls washroom for a guys washroom **(btw that's my teleplay, I'll probably post that story later on) **, so I ask my teacher if we can reserved it after school and he said he doesn't no. So me and my friends ask the vice principal so NICELY!

And I was like "excuse me miss, can we use the guys washroom afterschool tomorrow, for our English project"

She was like" Why cant you use the girls washroom and pretend it's the guys"

SO we told her that we need it to show the guys urinals or something cause its **HUMOUR/**romance and makes it more realistic and she was like "eww dats disgustin. Whos your English teacher? Who?"

And I said "Mr (nameless) miss" and I was gonna tell her that its ok if she says no but she storms (more like stomps off) towards the office all piss and stuff! RUDE BITCH!

I think my English teacher got in trounle sighs I'll probably get yelled at tomorrow… And I totally messed up my History presentation cause I was all piss off and screaming Bitch bitch bicth for the whole day… Trust me its worst than it sounds… .

Ok now I'm done venting my anger, no one will probably read this or care but w.e.. oh well

Anyways thanks for reading and please review!


	3. Gasp?

**Mksanime:** Shock to see me? Well me too X.X

**Must read authors note: **Anywho you before you murder or barbeque me for not updating any of my stories for about 4 months now? But don't get your hopes up high, I'm still in hiatus from writing fics X.X.. I just posted this story up because it was just loitering in my computer for awhile, waiting to be uploaded even though I wrote this like 5 months ago, and I was planning to make it longer. But since im a very err.. kind? Person (lol) I decided to posts this up, even though this is one shitty chapter.. But do not fret, when I come bak from my hiatus I will write a better chapter than this one X.X or replace this chapter later on….

If your wondering about not knowin the hiatus part.. I posted a note awhile ago in my profile.. so check it out if you want to know partially the reason why…

Also, I forgot to mention that this fic has no solid plot what so ever X.X I'm just pulling everything of my ass, like my other fics X.X

**Summary**: Taking a peek inside of Icha Icha Paradise and what do you see… da dum dum dum… NejiSaku, one sided SasuSaku

**Disclaimer:** Im sick and tired of this stupid disclaimer rubbing it off my face that I own nuthin…X.X can I at least take a break and say I own everything?

Anywho without further adieu, here's my crappy un-beta chapters X.X

**Must kill Jiraiya!**

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The building shook with tremor as the fairly tall woman with big busts paced around her office shaking with rage. As she occasionally glared towards the hideous, hideous vile thing called Icha Icha paradise book, with eyes that can make you run towards the graveyard and start digging for your own grave.

She glared murderously towards the book as she threw it with such force that it broke through the wall and flew towards somewhere she didn't care.

"SHIZUNE!" she roared.

A pair of shuffling feet can be heard, as the said person scurried inside the office followed by Tonton, their pet pig.

"Hai, Tsudane-sama?"

Tsunade whipped her head towards her direction as her voiced boom full of promises of pain "GET ME ALL THE KUNOICHI WHO IS IN THIS VILE THING! We're going to have **ROAST JIRAIYA** tonight! HAHAHAHAHAhahahahahah…"

Bowing her head, Shizune let out a small smirk as she disappeared with a puff of smoke.

* * *

Sakura was frustrated, irritated and worst of all she was, was very emotional…

She just had a fight with Neji for accusing her of posing as a model for Icha Icha paradise book!

She sniffed her tears and let out a small smile… as she sighed and then she frowned because she was in that book!...Then she realized something and burst into happy tears because she was in the Icha Icha paradise book, meaning she was one of the most SEXIEST women in Konoha. She then stopped and scowled…. She was still pissed at Neji for accusing her of such thing!

"Jackass" she muttered angrily.

Yes, very _emotional_ indeed.

After the whole 'looking for the peeping tom' and to their relief there was no one. Neji started to bombard her with stupid, stupid questions about her posing for that stupid book! Why was Neji looking at it in the first place?

"Ugghhh" she punch the nearest tree which flew towards somewhere…

She puff out and heaved her chest up, finally deciding to act a bit mature.

Sighing heavily, she shook her head and decided to retire for the day.

**BAM! **

Sakura staggered backwards and trip at the huge rock behind her, making her fall upside down.

Looking up, she saw an orange book slid down her chest, towards her face.

Her eyes widen in shock, as her mouth open and closed like a gold fish.

There on the open page was her "fre- fre… frenc- frennnnnn… frenching… JIRAIYA!"

* * *

"Ahhh.. Kakashi! Where are you off too?"

Glancing up from his new Icha Icha paradise book, he smiled towards the white haired man.

But before he could answer, the said old white haired man squealed like a girl as he ran towards the inn full of naked beautiful women.

Jiraiya covered his mouth as he giggled girlishly as he squatted down on the floor, his golden telescope ready and was place on the small whole….

He could here a group of girls giggling and talking softly behind the foggy steam. As the steam cleared up, his mouth dropped at the floor and his eyes bulge out.

It was definitely women alright and the sight of them was unexpected.

* * *

Naruto gripped the book as he hurriedly shoved the book in front of Sasuke's face.

"Teme! Teme! Look at this!"

Pushing Naruto as far away from him as possible, Sasuke glared at the blonde haired man in front of him

"hn?"

Ignoring the raven haired man's behavior, he pushed back the book in front of his face as he motioned his fingers towards the book in a persistent manner.

Sasuke sighed and decided to look at what the idiotic dobe was so hype up about.

Sasuke almost lost his composure and fell down. His eyes twitched and his muscles flexed from his body. Sure he enjoyed the sight of Sakura with her in a bikini, in a towel and almost nude body but frenching with that old guy just drew the line!

That was his Sakura! Yes! He was in love with that pink haired maiden with a temper of a wild cat. He knew that she loved someone else, so he decided to let her go and let her be happy with her new life with that bastard Neji!

But this! THIS!

His teeth clench as he unconsciously let out a growl.

If Neji cant take care of his Sakura! Then he'll just have to take her back!

* * *

Breathing heavily, Sakura staggered towards the exit of the forest and let out another growl while clenching the vile orange book.

Seeing the exit just a bit further ahead, she looked left and right… wait! Looking back towards her left, she narrowed her eyes and glared at the crouching Jiraiya, peeping inside the inn.

'**FOUND YOU!'** Inner Sakura growled.

* * *

Flipping through the book, the byakagun user froze on his spot as his hands lost gripped on the book and before it fell, the book suddenly went into flames…

Finally coming back to reality, Neji looked up and saw a pissed off Uchiha.

"Uchiha" Neji hissed.

"Hyuuga" Sasuke spat.

* * *

Backing away from the hole, Jiraiya laughed nervously. The wall suddenly broke into pieces, as the smoke cleared out, their all lined out in front of him was all the… **gulp**

"Ah! Shizune-san, ladies… What an unexpected …" Before he could finish he bumped into a well shaped legs.

Feeling a murderous aura from behind him, he traced up the well shaped legs towards the persons hip, he gulped when he felt the woman, he concluded twitch towards his touched and the murderous aura began to darken even more. Slowly looking, he saw a very, very frustrated, pissed off pink haired kunoichi.

"Explain yourself!" Sakura growled while hovering over Jiraiya in an intimidating manner…

"Explain what Sakura-san? I was merely conducting a research for…"

"Jiraiya-sama" Shizune suddenly spoke as she grinned mischievously towards his direction…

"Your needed in Tsunade-sama's office" she smirked as the rest of the girls cackled.

Before he could escape, he felt two hands on his shoulders, squeeeeezzzing it tightly.

"Now, now Sakura, you must respect your elders" he suddenly squeaked, when he felt something squeezed his ass…

X.X

_To be continued…._

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Well suxs for u guys, since I won't be updating for awhile ahahah XP

Well, anyone of u know who squeezed jiraiya's ass? Ahahha hmm maybe Sakura? Or someone else? Or maybe maybe O.O…… hmmm?

Now.. Critics, praise, flames, dunt care ne more X.X they're all welcome…

Reviews all together are appreciated and maybe motivates me to start writing again -wink wink- lol!


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